Thursday, May 22, 2014


these past few months have been quite heavy, but rather enlightening all at once. my heavenly father has taught me far too many things for my little heart to hold. but because his grace surpasses my weakness, i have been able to withstand all of the painful and confusing and wonderful lessons he has taught me. but let me tell you, learning from a holy god is not a very pleasant experience. it's full of arguments, pushing, cleansing, refining, and transforming. and if i've learned one thing this past semester, it's that i'm completely and utterly dirty in every way possible. i'm covered with dirt that takes all my effort to scrape off. when i think i've washed myself clean, i find deeper filth - filth that the top layer of dirt had sprouted from in the first place. god was very quick to point out that all my efforts trying to either cover up my dirt with more dirt, pretending that the dirt wasn't there, or attempting to scrape off the dirt myself was all vanity and it would only leave me completely exhausted. god was waiting for me in my heart, but all i was doing was attempting to clean my appearance rather than asking his spirit to help me dig through the dirt that was actually covering my heart, not my body.

we're so good at doing that, aren't we? we've lost our senses and emotions in a pool of social media, carpool lanes, shallow conversation, fast food, etc etc. at least that's what i've been doing. we're pretty dang good at pushing our emotions aside and spreading them thin; over committing, putting our health aside for the sake of our work, not wanting to engage in rich conversation, not resting because the world has taught us that resting equals laziness (which by the way, i've discovered the difference and...folks... resting is a beautiful, beautiful thing), not embracing our emotions, and so on. i thought that i only had to become spiritually mature, but was oblivious to the fact that spiritual and emotional maturity are glued together. god was teaching me spiritual concepts that were just too deep for my shallow emotions. my emotional health was feeble and hallow, and i didn't think that it was as imperative as my spiritual health.

but as god's spirit and i continue to dig deeper into my heart, i discover more and more of what it means to be emotionally and spiritually healthy - that it's okay to cry and scream, dance and sing, sit and rest, love and be loved, work hard or be okay with doing absolutely nothing at all, feeling deeply and being susceptible to hurt, and living into the wholly and holy beings that our father desires us to be. he wants us to taste the nourishment that comes from his creation, smell the blooms of spring, see the vastness of the ocean or magnificence of the mountains, hear the words "i love you", and feel things deeply and genuinely. 

i'm still learning these things as each day passes. i'm still learning what it means to be emotionally whole and spiritually holy. i know that my dirt is deep, but i also know that the love and grace of god is deeper. i may be filthy, but god promises a life as pure as snow. i'm still learning what it means to be free and how to feel free, though god tells us that freedom was given to us long ago. i have the assurance that although i don't feel free, i'm already set free. but most importantly, i'm learning the pure and definite goodness of the lord. and folks, it's sweeter than the peaches and honey i'm eating right now. so that's something to rejoice about.

more updates to come on what's goin on behind the words i'm writing. as always, there are lots of changes happening over here. LOTS. 


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

all good things

A new season is upon us, folks. The crisper air and titian tint to the leaves brings a whole new adventure for us. And although we have the alluring charm of fall to look forward to, the lingering warmth up my sleeves reminds me of the wondrous months that have settled behind me. I can't help but think back to the beautiful things that took place over the course of spring and summer. God has taught me more than I thought my heart could handle, and he has displayed a painting before me filled with colors I didn't think were possible. His goodness has been unveiled in such an overwhelming and graceful way, that I find myself seeing his creation as nothing but magnificent. But I think that this seasonal change is something that we all need in order to reevaluate our hearts, and rediscover the purest source of beauty. It's safe to say that we all yearn to go back and play under the endless summer sun without the restriction of a schedule, but I'm quickly learning that there is nothing sweeter than being forced by the earlier set of the sun to burrow ourselves, and sink into the delights of what the colder months will bring.

One thing that I've been undoubtedly learning is just how important it is to be in presence of true company. The eloquent and idyllic picture of a lavish dinner table with filled chairs is definitely a dream that I often think about. But more than that, there is something even more beautiful about not just the laughs and smiles that being in community brings, but also the natural struggles we contribute as well. Ideally, the perfect picture we often look towards is the one where people are smiling around a dinner table, but in reality - we are still people. We are different and we want different things. We have conflicting personalities, we don't share the same morals, and we don't always get along... even if we are sharing a common meal between one another. The closer we get to one another, the more of ourselves are revealed. And more we are revealed to others, the deeper they can see into our dirty souls. But there is something so idyllic about walking to a door with dirty shoes, slipping them off, leaving them at them outside, and dining together as one . I think this is what Jesus has been asking of us all along. He doesn't care about the filth we bring to the table, but only that we leave it at the door, and dine with him as a child and as a friend.

So as the autumn mist sneaks around us, and the smoky chimney calls us home, let's not forget about the whole new adventure that awaits for us. Whether it's finding a nook to open some pages and once again, re-find what makes us whole - or exploring something inside or out - we can all endeavor through this change together. Summer may bring the attitude of freeing your spirit and spontaneity, but fall can bring intentionality and purpose. It can challenge us to buckle our straps, start the fire, and find serenity in stillness. And it can also allure us into seeking new and unfamiliar territory. So let us take on this new adventure as adventure in itself. Let's live a life knowing that it's the most precious gift given to us. Let's gather the wood, leave our shoes at the door, and embark on this autumn together.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Another peaceful weekend has passed and the new year has rung more melodious songs than ever before. It was quite cold up near Tahoe, and nothing says winter like having to take snow cats to your cabins because a car can't plow through the buried streets. And despite my urge for a bountiful spring garden or a flowy summer dress, this was such a restful three days. The cabins were a dwelling place for sweet conversation and late night stories by the heater(we pretended it was fire), and the forest, a playground for sledding and snow ball fights. Even though the coughs and lack of sleep followed me back home, the crisp, rocky air will always have a special place in my heart. 
AND I have never felt more closely bonded with the Narnian lands than when we strolled through this winter forest. It was idyllic.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

ode to camping

I've been thinking about a lot of little things lately. Little things, but mostly the future and what I want my life to look like...which isn't so little after all. Maybe that's what a combination of the new year and this lovely weekend weather bestowed upon the western lands will do. Either way, the medley between this Spring tease and a whole new year has brought a lot of reflecting and re-evaluating. That's why I love seasonal changes. I know it's still January and we all have a while until the genuine Spring cleaning, but maybe we all need to seize these warmer moments to polish our boots, sweep the fire pits, and amend our hearts. 

This past weekend was such things. There's nothing quite like lying and waking by a smokey fire, a full view of the bay, and sweet friends. And when you're in the midst of the Winter blues and school finals, this is nothing short of an ideal hoopla. We headed up to our bountiful peak who's flora and fauna are too generous to call home. I am too blessed. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to live in a place where mountains and oceans are so easily accessible from my home. 

We crafted. We talked. We trailed. We frolicked. We ate. We were robbed by our friend, Mr. Raccoon. We soaked up the warmer air and breathtaking views. We stopped. We took the time to watch little things pass by. But most importantly, we exalted and we praised. All in all, I found that it never hurts to take advantage of the short and sweet, Spring cleaning moments. In those we see a joy-filled beauty far greater than our own.

Right now it's raining. It's cold and it's still January, but my heart is in the Spring of things. And although I will always be learning how to live in the moment, I look forward to Spring-forward. But now, now I will walk with the warmer joy that I know will come in the morning. Sometimes all you need to do is take a short breath to see the lasting Hope that can restore and rejuvenate. And for that, I am grateful.

Thank you Mr. Raccoon for stealing our food

Saturday, December 29, 2012

"Shorter days, colder nights, an oven baking and broiling at full tile, a heavy pot of stew on the oven- it's a wonderful scene to settle into each year." - Kinfolk

(PS! If you're having a hard time finding the url to my blog, 
it's because it's been changed to Big leaps here!)

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

christmas delights

Another christmas has past ya'll! This one was especially special because the whole family was under the same roof this season and because we saw les miserables christmas day. Shoot. What an emotion roller coaster that was. Did anyone feel totally drained they didn't even want to eat popcorn by the end of the movie? Well, my hand is raised! I'm so thankful to have been born into a family of faithful followers. You can always hear some posture of les miserables music in our house. (dad is currently whistling it in his room)
But on a lighter note than the finale scene of les miserables, (wait, there goes tim singing the " I dreamed a dream" upstairs) our days have been filled with laughs and joy and music and food and lots of settlers of catan and baby watching... mostly baby watching. I have loved being able to escape from the hustle and bustle of things and not have any agenda but to read and rest as much as I can. (there goes phillip singing "can you hear the people sing?")
I hope you all have gotten a chance to find rest and peace in this christmas season. Despite the presents and food and family, every year i'm humbled by the ancient tale that brings those things together in the first place. So as we rejoice in tangible gifts this season, we cannot forget to be glad in the ultimate gift of the birth of our savior. I think that's such a stinkin awesome gift if you ask me.
So once again...merry christmas! May it be very merry and bright and full of rejoicing. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

tis this season

well guys, another year, another christmas tree! two christmas' ago we were in uganda and last year was filled with the mumbo jumbo of wedding planning... so it feels that this year is the first spirited holiday season in too long! we have eaten, we have drank (hot chocolate for me, of course), and ohhh have we been merry. and let me say, the holiday treats have hit me like a ton of bricks. so.many.cookies. and
but as we get closer into the craziness of holidays, i'm constantly being reminded of God's goodness towards my family and i. it's been a whirlwind of years, and knowing us, will probably be for the years to come. i cannot say- even to the slightest- where i predict each of us will be in the future, but moments like picking out a christmas tree or making christmas cookies has been so near to my heart lately. it's been so great to love and adore moments like these, instead of stressing for the things to come. those things will come, but for now let's just all enjoy the smells and treats and fun winterish things that the celebration of Jesus' birth brings. so that being said... 

decorate your christmas tree!
blast awesome 90's christmas music (michael w. smith. steven curtis chapman. anyone? no?)
make cookies.
make anything!
eat everything that has sugar in it. no excuses.
find something really awesome to do outdoors. it's hard in this cold weather, but you can do it.
read. read. read. read. read. read!
write a letter to some one. 
delight in the little things,
remember and fall in love with the real reason for christmas.